Is this real? Or is it one of those things that aren't real?
This is one of those things that are real.
What's a Vino?
Vino is the world's foremost authority on all things Olive Garden. His various adventures have been featured on Ars Technica, USA Today, New York Magazine, and Fox News, each for a relatively minor appearance that has earned him no financial restitution!
You're not...uh...expecting anything out of this, are you?
Trading sexual acts for spaghetti -- commonly referred to as pastatution -- is illegal in the state of California; as such, you can rest assured that your walk out of the Olive Garden will not be a walk of shame.
How much will this cost me?
All dinner expenses will be covered by Vino -- but you must order the Never Ending Pasta Bowl, and it would be helpful if you order something that has not been previously reviewed (something with a greyed-out icon).
Can I play? I'm male / genderqueer / married / asexual / repulsed by you
As long as you're a human being who is willing to be on a blog and acknowledge this as a date, yes!
Is this still going on?
Nope. It's over. But thanks for reading!