all love garden

free food

As a guest of Vino, famed consumer of all things Olive Garden, you'll be entitled to a Never-Ending Pasta Bowl™ and Coca-Cola™ products™© free of charge - he'll even cover the tip!

dine with a z-list internet celebrity

Vino has been featured on USA Today, New York Magazine, and Fox News, each for a relatively minor appearance that has earned him no financial restitution!

sustainability and white guilt

More than any other company, Olive Garden is aware of the drought which currently plagues the state of California. That's why the water in which they boil their pasta is 100% salt-free, and recycled only from hydrogen and oxygen atoms that can trace their origin to the formation of the universe. This artisanal water has been evaporated, condensed, and precipitated billions of times -- that's sustainability that you can count on!

please don't make it weird

Trading sexual acts for spaghetti -- commonly referred to as pastatution -- is illegal in the state of California; as such, you can rest assured that your walk out of the Olive Garden will not be a walk of shame.

sign up

If you do not see a form to sign up for a date appear here, you may need to log in/log out of your Google account. If you don't have one, you can create one for free, or just email me directly -


Is this real?

Yes! Check out the blog here for examples!

When is this happening?

Sorry man, you just missed it. The blog ran from October 5, 2015 to November 22nd, 2015.

Can I play? I'm male / genderqueer / married / asexual / a person who thinks you'd make a bad date

As long as you're a human being who won't stab me, is willing to be on a blog, and acknowledge this as a date, yes! Or at least, that's what I would say if the blog wasn't over!

Can I know more about you?

Please see my real-life OkCupid account for more info about me outside of my world of pasta.